An Unexpected Surprise

Please forgive me for the long silence. I seem to cycle through posting and ruminating, and I was neatly tucked into my little, "I'm not going to risk love again!", shell when things abruptly changed. It started out with an interview that ended up being a couple of lengthy conversations about much more than the interview questions, and a seemingly innocuous observation that she thought her husband and I would get along. I wasn't bold enough to contact him, but I looked at his OKCupid profile and thought he was cute. It seems so funny for a woman in her 40's to call someone 'cute', but that's the word that fits.

A week or so later I got a message from him saying that she'd gotten an A and we started talking about a lot of things, not the least of which was him mourning the end of his previous relationship. I have a fair bit of experience with mourning endings, as this blog attests, so it was a good fit, but it wasn't long before I realized that it was a good fit in more ways than one! I don't know how best to describe what happened... suddenly I wanted to talk to him every day and I found myself seeking him out online. I wondered what he was doing and where he was and the light went on, which triggered a tad bit of fear! He's clever and funny and I felt all warm and fuzzy when we hung up the phone, which felt wonderful. I don't trust NRE, it's not something I particularly enjoy (when I'm not in the midst of it ;) ) because in the past I've been inconsiderate of my husband in its throes, so I spent a short time denying what was going on, but the chemistry with my new love is such that I felt safe to discuss it with him. I had so many reservations, and it's not like they just magically disappeared. He was hurt badly not long ago and I don't want to repeat that, nor do I want to be a replacement for the person who caused the pain. The thing is, I trust him. That's really big, because I don't trust very easily, but I trust him to be honest with me and as any reader of my blog knows, I value honesty and integrity above all else.

Today he told me he loves me, and it felt like time stopped. I stood there, phone in hand, emotions welling up in a strange and unsettling way, and I told him that I love him too. Then I cried *blush* I can be a silly, emotional creature, and it's nice to feel safe to share that part of myself. There are a couple of states between us (as in North Carolina, South Carolina, and Georgia!), which will be challenging I'm sure, but I can't imagine not giving it a try! I want to gush about how sweet and funny he is, but suffice it to say that I think he's the bee's knees *giggle*

My husband is being wonderful about the whole thing, as always. He smiles and rolls his eyes and feigns surprise, but I think he's happy for me. He told me that he wants me to be happy and he knows it makes me happy to have more love in my life, and if it's possible I love him even more! He bet me $5 I was going to be going to Florida a couple of weeks ago and I laughed at him and I said, "No way, I'm not doing that again!", to which he raised his brows and laughed. I asked him tonight how he knew it was going to become more and he told me that he knows the signs, for which he received a glare and a raspberry! It seems that I owe him $5, because I find myself wondering when I'll be able to escape to Florida for a weekend in the near future.

I may not trust NRE, but it feels wonderful in the moment! I'm so happy to have him in my life and I'm really excited about the future.