It's been quite a while since I posted, for which I apologize. Things are pretty hectic this summer! My oldest son turned eighteen and is working part-time at the local grocery store, which is great other than the fact that he doesn't have his driver's license yet so we have to taxi him back and forth. Just after graduation his girlfriend of two years stopped coming over and it seems that they've broken up, although they're still talking occasionally. She's been seen around town with his ex-best friend (by us on two occasions and by others who've told him), which makes me sad because I can not respect someone who would do such a thing and not be honest about it. She denies it to him, even when we've seen them together moments before... it's disheartening. I don't like seeing my son hurting, especially since he's a typical teenaged boy when it comes to handling emotions... he doesn't. I love my children dearly, but being a mother isn't easy at times! That said, I wouldn't go back to being a teenager for all of the money in the world! Well... maybe for ALL of it, but nothing less!
My little one has been in the summer school program this month, which has made my work schedule tricky and has him stressed out with doing something new. He'll begin second grade in the fall and I'm hoping that transition goes well, since he seems to be getting a little better at it every year. I find myself thinking that I may need to pull him out and homeschool him for middle school like I did my oldest, but that's a few years off yet so we'll see what happens then.
My husband has been to a couple of rpg conventions and there's no sign of his previous depression, which makes me very happy! He's been supportive and wonderful through the stress of my son's graduation and my family's visit.
My lover has changed jobs and is doing something that makes him very happy. I'm thrilled for him, I think it's wonderful, but he's now working third shift and it's been very hard for us to connect. Since the beginning of our relationship (which will be one year old next month!) we've talked on the phone on Friday nights while my husband is off playing role-playing games with his friends, but the past two weeks my lover has slept past the time we were supposed to talk. I've felt that loss pretty acutely, although I absolutely understand why it happened and I'm not angry at him at all. I'm just feeling disconnected, which is a pretty big deal in a long distance relationship, especially considering the fact that our last three monthly visits have been either strained or off kilter, the last of which was mainly about us reconnecting and talking through some things that had been brewing for quite some time. We aren't going to get together this month for various reasons, although he moves into his own apartment on the 20th of next month, which means that instead of meeting at a hotel halfway I'll be driving the four and a half hours to visit him and we'll be able to cook together and things will be more natural. As much as I'm looking forward to that, I'm feeling like I'm not a priority in his life, even though I know that it's because he has so much going on with starting a new job, finding a new place to live, and adjusting to working third shift. I'm trying to be loving and compassionate, but sometimes I get a stab of fear that he's tiring of me.
My lady love and I haven't managed to connect much in the past week, which has me feeling uneasy and a bit scared. Last Saturday I spoke with her husband for the first time and it went wonderfully, although I was pretty nervous and talked a LOT! He seems supportive of she and I exploring what we have between us and I like him as well. That goes a ways in relieving my fears about the unknown, although I can't seem to shake the fear in the pit of my stomach about our lack of communication lately. We leave each other messages in IM and we chatted briefly yesterday, but I fear that the 'new and shiny' feeling is wearing off for her and she's realizing that I'm not that wonderful and exciting, even as I recognize that that's probably my insecurities speaking. I've learned that following my intuition serves me well but in this instance I'm not able to differentiate between my intuition and my fears and insecurities, so I'm left feeling a bit out of sorts and apprehensive.
All of that said, my garden is growing and time marches on! I'm enjoying the flowers and shrubs that are blooming on our farm and even took some time on Friday to simply bask in the full moonlight, which was both calming and rejuvenating. Things are going well in my world, even if I'm a bit out of sorts here and there. I hope everyone is having a wonderful summer!
My little one has been in the summer school program this month, which has made my work schedule tricky and has him stressed out with doing something new. He'll begin second grade in the fall and I'm hoping that transition goes well, since he seems to be getting a little better at it every year. I find myself thinking that I may need to pull him out and homeschool him for middle school like I did my oldest, but that's a few years off yet so we'll see what happens then.
My husband has been to a couple of rpg conventions and there's no sign of his previous depression, which makes me very happy! He's been supportive and wonderful through the stress of my son's graduation and my family's visit.
My lover has changed jobs and is doing something that makes him very happy. I'm thrilled for him, I think it's wonderful, but he's now working third shift and it's been very hard for us to connect. Since the beginning of our relationship (which will be one year old next month!) we've talked on the phone on Friday nights while my husband is off playing role-playing games with his friends, but the past two weeks my lover has slept past the time we were supposed to talk. I've felt that loss pretty acutely, although I absolutely understand why it happened and I'm not angry at him at all. I'm just feeling disconnected, which is a pretty big deal in a long distance relationship, especially considering the fact that our last three monthly visits have been either strained or off kilter, the last of which was mainly about us reconnecting and talking through some things that had been brewing for quite some time. We aren't going to get together this month for various reasons, although he moves into his own apartment on the 20th of next month, which means that instead of meeting at a hotel halfway I'll be driving the four and a half hours to visit him and we'll be able to cook together and things will be more natural. As much as I'm looking forward to that, I'm feeling like I'm not a priority in his life, even though I know that it's because he has so much going on with starting a new job, finding a new place to live, and adjusting to working third shift. I'm trying to be loving and compassionate, but sometimes I get a stab of fear that he's tiring of me.
My lady love and I haven't managed to connect much in the past week, which has me feeling uneasy and a bit scared. Last Saturday I spoke with her husband for the first time and it went wonderfully, although I was pretty nervous and talked a LOT! He seems supportive of she and I exploring what we have between us and I like him as well. That goes a ways in relieving my fears about the unknown, although I can't seem to shake the fear in the pit of my stomach about our lack of communication lately. We leave each other messages in IM and we chatted briefly yesterday, but I fear that the 'new and shiny' feeling is wearing off for her and she's realizing that I'm not that wonderful and exciting, even as I recognize that that's probably my insecurities speaking. I've learned that following my intuition serves me well but in this instance I'm not able to differentiate between my intuition and my fears and insecurities, so I'm left feeling a bit out of sorts and apprehensive.
All of that said, my garden is growing and time marches on! I'm enjoying the flowers and shrubs that are blooming on our farm and even took some time on Friday to simply bask in the full moonlight, which was both calming and rejuvenating. Things are going well in my world, even if I'm a bit out of sorts here and there. I hope everyone is having a wonderful summer!
No comments:
Post a Comment