My lover and I will have our first anniversary on the 6th of this month. It's hard for me to believe! Not because I didn't think it would last, but because time has flown by. I've always felt like I had a skewed sense of time, like I don't really experience time passing the same way other people do, and I'm strongly feeling that way right now. He and I have just had our Friday phone date, which I always enjoy, and I find myself sitting here thinking about the past year, and the fact that I won't be at all surprised if I blink and it's our five year anniversary! He and I have gone through some trials, some miscommunications, and some realizations, and we've come through them loving each other. It's strange how many times I think that my relationships endure things others would walk away from; not because my relationships are more difficult or complex, but because so many people throw in the towel and walk away when the going gets tough. I have no idea what I'm going to do in celebration of our anniversary, but whatever it is, I'm happy that we're still going strong.
Speaking of phone dates, my lady friend and I have set up a phone date night on Tuesdays. A couple of weekends ago I talked to her husband on the phone for two hours and it was wonderful! In discussing it afterward she and I realized that we haven't had a window of time like that, dedicated to us connecting, and our schedules have been conflicting enough that we haven't been able to connect nearly as much as we did the first month. She reminded me during our phone date Tuesday that the night of my son's prom was the conversation that we really connected, and I looked up the date and it was May 17th. Our first phone conversation was on the 31st. Things have felt off-kilter with her because we haven't been connecting, but my feelings haven't changed. It's disconcerting how much I struggle with my fears and insecurities where she is concerned, but I'm able to recognize them for what they are and be a compassionate observer, not giving them power over me. My greatest fear is that the thrill of NRE is wearing off for her and she's losing interest, but whenever I ask her she's reassuring, so I have faith that she's telling me the truth. Sure, my insecurities whisper that it may not be true, but the bottom line is that I won't be ruled by my fears. I won't miss out on something wonderful just because I was too afraid to take the leap of faith that is necessary at the point that I trust her to be honest with me, even about something she knows I wouldn't want to hear.
Things are going great with my husband. He and I have been talking a lot and have weathered a fight with minimal aftershocks, which is another brick in the solid foundation that we're rebuilding as we sort out what our relationship is now that he's not depressed. I pointed out to him that we bounced back so quickly and he hadn't realized it and saw it as a good sign as well.
As summer draws to a furnace-hot close I'm taking every opportunity to look at my beautiful flowers and butterfly bushes, and we're enjoying the small but delicious bounty of my first gardening attempt. Hopefully this weekend we'll be planting peas! I know, I lead such an exciting life. I hope your summer is filled with beautiful, fragrant flowers and happiness!
Speaking of phone dates, my lady friend and I have set up a phone date night on Tuesdays. A couple of weekends ago I talked to her husband on the phone for two hours and it was wonderful! In discussing it afterward she and I realized that we haven't had a window of time like that, dedicated to us connecting, and our schedules have been conflicting enough that we haven't been able to connect nearly as much as we did the first month. She reminded me during our phone date Tuesday that the night of my son's prom was the conversation that we really connected, and I looked up the date and it was May 17th. Our first phone conversation was on the 31st. Things have felt off-kilter with her because we haven't been connecting, but my feelings haven't changed. It's disconcerting how much I struggle with my fears and insecurities where she is concerned, but I'm able to recognize them for what they are and be a compassionate observer, not giving them power over me. My greatest fear is that the thrill of NRE is wearing off for her and she's losing interest, but whenever I ask her she's reassuring, so I have faith that she's telling me the truth. Sure, my insecurities whisper that it may not be true, but the bottom line is that I won't be ruled by my fears. I won't miss out on something wonderful just because I was too afraid to take the leap of faith that is necessary at the point that I trust her to be honest with me, even about something she knows I wouldn't want to hear.
Things are going great with my husband. He and I have been talking a lot and have weathered a fight with minimal aftershocks, which is another brick in the solid foundation that we're rebuilding as we sort out what our relationship is now that he's not depressed. I pointed out to him that we bounced back so quickly and he hadn't realized it and saw it as a good sign as well.
As summer draws to a furnace-hot close I'm taking every opportunity to look at my beautiful flowers and butterfly bushes, and we're enjoying the small but delicious bounty of my first gardening attempt. Hopefully this weekend we'll be planting peas! I know, I lead such an exciting life. I hope your summer is filled with beautiful, fragrant flowers and happiness!
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