I've been poly for almost 18 years. I don't point that out to claim expertise, I point it out because one would think that by now I would have figured out how to do it 'right', which begs the question... is there a 'right' way?
Of course there are things to take into consideration, ways that the known pitfalls can be avoided and this forum and site are wonderful tools in one's journey, but my realization is that the 'right' way is, in fact, a unicorn. That's right... a unicorn. It's beautiful silken flanks call to one's hand like flame calls to a moth, like the breast calls to a newborn babe, but I posit the possibility that there is no such thing. Why? Because it's all about dealing with people, and no two people are alike.
I've been known to wax poetic (although it's more like waxing verbose ;) ) about things such as perspective, integrity, and honesty, which I still firmly believe in. My realization is that regardless of what I choose to do, how I choose to act, how clear I am about what's important to me, at the point that I open my heart to someone I am at their mercy. I'd imagine many readers are thinking, "Duh!", but I'm not talking about just opening my heart. I'm talking about the decision to open it to new people even when there is someone in my life who is honest and loves me. Recent events have me wondering what it is that drives me to do something so risky and unpredictable. My husband says that it's because I have a soft, loving heart and I have an innate need to help people, and I'd like to believe that he's right.
The older I get the more I come up against the fact that the only thing that I truly control in this world is me. I can be honest, I can be loyal, I can be any of the myriad things that I consider worthy in a person, but in the end there is no definitive way to know if I'm dealing with someone who is giving me the same thing in return. When someone new enters my world I'm pretty cautious, but I also tend to listen to my intuition, which can make me less than cautious when things 'click'. Once I decide to let someone in, I'm an open book. Is it naive to believe that I'm dealing with someone who is who and what they say they are? Probably, but I don't want to entertain the alternative.
And so I will plod forward, sometimes encountering people who get through my armor and stab at my heart, but confident that I'm strong enough to continue being the authentic person of integrity that I strive to be. With each betrayal I become a bit more resistant to opening up to anyone new, I become slightly less willing to take that risk again, but I remain steadfast in my commitment not become jaded.
Of course there are things to take into consideration, ways that the known pitfalls can be avoided and this forum and site are wonderful tools in one's journey, but my realization is that the 'right' way is, in fact, a unicorn. That's right... a unicorn. It's beautiful silken flanks call to one's hand like flame calls to a moth, like the breast calls to a newborn babe, but I posit the possibility that there is no such thing. Why? Because it's all about dealing with people, and no two people are alike.
I've been known to wax poetic (although it's more like waxing verbose ;) ) about things such as perspective, integrity, and honesty, which I still firmly believe in. My realization is that regardless of what I choose to do, how I choose to act, how clear I am about what's important to me, at the point that I open my heart to someone I am at their mercy. I'd imagine many readers are thinking, "Duh!", but I'm not talking about just opening my heart. I'm talking about the decision to open it to new people even when there is someone in my life who is honest and loves me. Recent events have me wondering what it is that drives me to do something so risky and unpredictable. My husband says that it's because I have a soft, loving heart and I have an innate need to help people, and I'd like to believe that he's right.
The older I get the more I come up against the fact that the only thing that I truly control in this world is me. I can be honest, I can be loyal, I can be any of the myriad things that I consider worthy in a person, but in the end there is no definitive way to know if I'm dealing with someone who is giving me the same thing in return. When someone new enters my world I'm pretty cautious, but I also tend to listen to my intuition, which can make me less than cautious when things 'click'. Once I decide to let someone in, I'm an open book. Is it naive to believe that I'm dealing with someone who is who and what they say they are? Probably, but I don't want to entertain the alternative.
And so I will plod forward, sometimes encountering people who get through my armor and stab at my heart, but confident that I'm strong enough to continue being the authentic person of integrity that I strive to be. With each betrayal I become a bit more resistant to opening up to anyone new, I become slightly less willing to take that risk again, but I remain steadfast in my commitment not become jaded.
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