Being polyamorous has been an interesting journey for me. I've always been a woman who wanted long-term relationships, who saw things in a bigger picture instead of moment to moment. It's strange, I've realized today that I've had hopes for my relationship with my lover that I didn't even realize were there. It's automatic, it seems, for me to think that we're moving toward being physically near each other, although he lives 4 1/2 hours away and has lived within a pretty small radius all of his life. Being nearer to me would change his life pretty drastically and there's really no way I can foresee me moving closer to him, since we own the farm we live on and have secure jobs where we are.
Today he told me that he was signing a new lease where he is and for some reason it gave me pause. Not that he was doing it, but that he mentioned it in passing after having talked about the possibility of not doing so. Why does it bother me that he didn't talk to me about it? I'm not his mother. I'm not his wife. I guess the reality of my expectations smacked me upside the head and I spent the afternoon contemplating just where I thought we were headed. Right now I see him once a month and we talk on the phone every Friday night, as well as random chats. I don't live my life pining for more, I try to enjoy what I have and not invalidate it by seeing the glass as half empty. Maybe that's why I was caught off-guard by my reaction.
So now I'm going to talk to him and my husband about what he sees in our future, all the while remembering to appreciate what I have and honor the fact that the glass is, in fact, half full.
Today he told me that he was signing a new lease where he is and for some reason it gave me pause. Not that he was doing it, but that he mentioned it in passing after having talked about the possibility of not doing so. Why does it bother me that he didn't talk to me about it? I'm not his mother. I'm not his wife. I guess the reality of my expectations smacked me upside the head and I spent the afternoon contemplating just where I thought we were headed. Right now I see him once a month and we talk on the phone every Friday night, as well as random chats. I don't live my life pining for more, I try to enjoy what I have and not invalidate it by seeing the glass as half empty. Maybe that's why I was caught off-guard by my reaction.
So now I'm going to talk to him and my husband about what he sees in our future, all the while remembering to appreciate what I have and honor the fact that the glass is, in fact, half full.
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